The inner me... uncensored...

It could've been easier for me to keep to my original answer, where all i had to do was to say No, i'm not stepping up. I fear my instincts were right and they're unveiling right before my very eyes now. Just as they are being unveiled, my confidante, the one i trust whole heartedly without a doubt is leaving my side. Probably convinced that i can now stand on my own feet, he's letting go of my hand. I don't want to let go. I want to continue to hold on to this, but yet i know u want to take that step ahead into the unknown, leaving me behind in this place, this wretched place which i love so much. Its time for you to move on. I feel guilty holding you back, but yet i just wish u would make it seem as though u don't want to leave. Why am i feeling this all over again? Wasn't 1 week of isolation enough? How much longer need i isolate myself? And when i finally do, u suddenly come back into the picture. When i'm beginning to stabilize, u decide to reach out your hand again. But..... just as i reach out for it, you pulled it back. Why? Why do i subject myself to pain, crying my eyes out, never being able to sleep with the intent to sleep. All i can give you is my energy, my emotions, my time, my effort, my dedication, my concern and that's all i have. Isn't this enough for you, KR? Can i have your support in return? I want to continue crying for you, i want to continue feeling this passion. I don't want to end up disillusioned, with a hatred so bad that i can't stay in hall any longer. Don't push me there. I don't want to end up there. No, i don't. Please don't leave me isolated in the dark, forcing me to walk out of this place. I'd rather you condemn me out, cause i'll never leave this place. I don't want to leave, but yet i don't want to stay. I wish someone would understand this thunderstorm within my heart. Its hailing..... oh yes, it is.